The Power Rangers Training Guide
by Spoony Spoonerson
Summary: A spoof of becoming/being/not being a power ranger. Handy hints for all!


The Power Rangers Training Manual

Ever wanted guidance of sorts whilst living life as a ranger and you're mentor's too busy to help, aspiring to be one, or guidance for when you're retired, and those damn rookies keep trying to drag you out into the field again? Well fret no more...

Chapter One: Aspiring to be a ranger:

Let's face it, just about everyone wants to be a power ranger at heart, or if not they would not turn down the opportunity if prompted. Here is a list of tips to use in case you want to be a ranger yourself.

**Keep an eye out**. There have been occurrences when you have been able to apply for a position of ranger, if not indirectly. Academies and training facilities have been sometimes deployed to chose the next generation of power rangers. Look for something that appears from nowhere overnight.

**Learn martial arts**. Every ranger out there knows how to fight, and just about every ranger knew how to do that before he/or she donned spandex. If a higher power is randomly selecting people, they'll look favourably upon the one who can fight well. Similarly, if you apply for one of the places we just talked about, they look favourably upon fighting skills.

**Be heroic**. There may be times when generic monster things are attacking normal people (or rangers unable to morph), and you may think it's your moral duty to help them. And it is. Go in using the martial arts skills I already told you to learn and save the good guys. You never know whether it's a test or not, try to save people whenever possible, it could result in becoming a ranger.

**Be sociable**. When selecting a group of rangers, higher powers try to find a group of people who already know each other, (this does not include the group of people you just saved earlier) although it is not imperative. So for example, you have five people who all know martial arts and work well as a team, you're probably in with better chances of getting in as rangers.

**Visualise being a ranger**. Also important. Think about your new group of friends, and think about if you were all power rangers, which colour you'd be. Be honest, and let the group's natural leader/newest member be the leader. Just think what you'd be, and try to prefer wearing that colour. So if the special time came, there'd be no question over colours, everyone would know already.

Chapter Two: Being a ranger:

Okay, you've got your shiny new suit. Now that may have resulted in accident/starting as an evil ranger/being kidnapped by evil/hiding under sick ranger's bed or it could be by normal reasons. The point being, there is an unwritten book of ethics and pointers to help you out.

**Don't socialise!** I know what I said earlier, but know you have you group of four (or similar number) other friends, there is no need to expand. This means no relationships or clubs as you are more than likely to be pulled away from those at the most inconvenient of times due to being a ranger, which is more important.

**Go clothes shopping**. I know it seems corny to wear the same colours as your ranger, and that people might find out. The fact of the matter is, people are stupid. This is something of an in-joke between you that you wear the colours and nobody notices. Don't go over the top e.g. Blue jeans, a white vest top and red short sleeved shirt worn open is suitable attire for red rangers. Trousers can be any colour and blue jeans can count as your obligatory item of your colour if you're the blue ranger.

**Be fearless**. Or at least let everyone think you are. Villains are always watching you, expose a fear or bad memory to a friend or even into a diary and it WILL come back to haunt you, with the help of an evil genius.

**No boyfriend/girlfriend**. This goes back with the not socialising point I made earlier. If you have a girlfriend (let's assume for a second you're a guy), you can't tell her, under any circumstances unless she already knows. This can mean lying indiscriminately to cover up your secret life. And even then she may still be kidnapped by evil villains and held to ransom/turned against you/destroyed.

**Don't dip your pen in ranger ink**. Again with the people. Just because you can't go out with someone who doesn't know you're a ranger doesn't mean the red ranger who looks good in spandex is a safe bet. Think of it this way; if/when you break up, it will be awkward. No, your love isn't special. Also, if you love a fellow ranger, odds are that said ranger will have to leave you in a heartbreaking choice to be made/die/be a lesbian/love someone else.

**Role specifics:**

**Leader.** You are in control, (except for the higher power who gave you your powers) you must accept that those who were your friends will now despise you for your promotion over them. It is your task to fight whatever large monster is sent down, make witty one liners, and generally like the colour red. All of this does not apply if your name is Wes or Rocky (I can't stop feeling sorry for that guy)

**The funny one.** No witty one liners. This is the role of the red ranger/leader. You can make sarcastic comments when not in action. It is your role to be an average fighter, fight generic foot soldiers and generally make up numbers.

**The smart one.** You are the one who fixes anything technical. Your skills will be called upon every now and then; between those points you fight the generic foot soldiers, refrain from making witty one liners or laughing at the jokes made by the funny one (who should NOT be making jokes!)

**The spoiled one.** You're probably the most careful person ever, although your dad can afford to mend anything you break. That aside, your financial situation is in no way relevant to being a ranger. And for that, your duties will be to perform the more athletic moves (because of the expensive classes you took at age 7), fight generic foot soldiers and look lustfully at the leader.

**The street one.** You're the one in touch with today's youth as the others aren't (owing to the fact that despite ages, no ranger has yet to be seen drinking). You may have been brought up on the wrong side of the tracks, you can either dance or sport, pick one now. You might like to incorporate dancing or sports moves into fighting generic foot soldiers, which is just about all you'll be doing.

**The new one.** You'll come in weeks/months after the rangers have been established. Your lateness shall be rewarded with: position of leader (read "Leader." now) a new colour, a Zord the size of a Megazord, decent weapons and a new vehicle. You will also be looked up to as "the best ranger". This is the most coveted position, the problem being it's rarely something you apply for. More of a surprise.

**Colour specifics**:

**Red.** You're in charge, for now. So make it last, you'll probably be given a sword type weapon to use, if you receive anything different you KNOW that people won't respect you. It's worse if you're given no new weapon as red ranger (I'm sorry Rocky, you just had the worst luck). Your Zord is the most important one and probably the most powerful. You'll get a vehicle of your own such as a motorbike and a power up. And you'll date a ranger at some point. Never forget that.

**Blue.** You are a spare part. The role of blue is usually given to ex red rangers/girls/kids/those of an origin other than white male. To put it bluntly. You will not be given romance.

**Yellow.** Traditionally given to girls (with exceptions). Your weapons will be more of a novelty rather than something that can do actual damage. Something small like daggers or nunchucks are the norm. You'll probably end up sharing a vehicle.

**Pink.** You're a girl. You're white. And most guys will spend their lives trying to date you. You must not let them, and offer yourself to the current leader/red ranger as a form of sacrifice. You're weapon will also be more of a novelty. Instead of guns or swords, you'll have bow/shield/obscure thing.

**Green/Black.** You're either second or third in line to being leader. You'll find you might get a power up or a special vehicle like the red ranger from time to time, but don't count on it.

Chapter Three: Retirement.

Okay, you've paid your dues. But that doesn't always mean it's over. Whether it's a rookie asking for help, or a team succeeding you asking for your entire team to make a comeback and defeat an enemy with them, it will happen. Be ready...

**Keep in shape**. How are you going to look those freshly appointed rangers in the eye and say no because you're too flabby to run around in tight suits any more? Okay you might be old, but you're never too old, you can be too out of shape. This is not so important if you don't want to come back as a ranger, but I'll cover that later.

"First you go soft in the body, then you go soft in the head."

**Think about how you leave**. Wanna leave without being called back? The best ways to do this are: through injury (get injured so not to be able to fight), leave to a foreign country (the newbies aren't going to go far to find someone) or through death. Let's ignore death for now (it isn't entirely foolproof). If you get injured, you'll be replaced. And when people are thinking of people to bring back, they'll see you as you left, being unable to help them (ask Rocky Desantos for more info). Move abroad? Sure. As I said, they're not going to want to go outside America to get someone to lead them. They'll go through time, but not on a plane.

**Act cool**. You're rarely brought back by someone older than you. So when the kids come up to you with their wide smiles and college clothes, you act cool. You act as if you've done it all before (and you probably have, but are too polite to point it out). Act as if you're not interested in them (again, probably aren't but too polite to point out) and seem determined to complete whatever mission they're too incompetent to accomplish themselves (which they're not but too polite to point out).

**Keep old stuff.**__Those iPod wearing punks aren't going to recognise a pink ranger they've not seen in a while if she is wearing anything other than pink. You've got to give these OC watching whipper-snappers a chance, so keep an old outfit you used to wear, along with your old morpher, and make sure you can fit into them. Just keep them to one side, so if you do want to come back for a day, you won't have to explain yourself to the wide eyed newcomers whose parents you probably used to sit next to at school.


End file.
